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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.