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3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
I put the hot in psychotic.
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
I play hard to get along with.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.