Daily Silly Status

You don`t look like 200 likes in person

I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.

The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.

The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.

Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.

People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.

For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....

Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.

I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.

I hope common sense is the next cool trend.

I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!

I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops

A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.

Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?

I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.