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I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls