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Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
I`m going to hell in every religion!
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of