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Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
The less you know, the more you think you do.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?