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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.