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I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.