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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
I flunked anger management class.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
Just moisturized my hands and now I can`t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.