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DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.