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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.