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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
My wife says "YOU`RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.