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They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
I`m on this great new diet called "sleep through breakfast"
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.