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that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.