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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.