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Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.