Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
This patience thing takes forever.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.