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Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
Iām probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.