Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.