Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs