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I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?