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Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.