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I just called. To say. I texted you.
If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.