Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
The first sign of laziness:
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.