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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative