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You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
I hear boomerangs are making a comeback.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!