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“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
I am used but in good condition.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.