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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red