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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.