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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
Don’t jump to confusions.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.