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I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?