Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(: