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Happy people don`t take long showers.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.