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I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..