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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
French people give me the crepes.
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.