Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.