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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.