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You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.