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How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
i am not so think, as you drunk i am
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
Forgotten pocket money is the best!