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I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
Please do not read this.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
On the plus side of 2017, the use of the words `awesomesauce` and `amazeballs` were at an all time low.