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Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
Your things are terrific.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone