Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.