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How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.