Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet