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Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.