Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
That moment when being uncool, is cool