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Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
If I throw a stick will you leave?
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.