Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Have you hugged you bartender today.
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.