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Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!