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Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.