Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend