Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
So can we just skip to summer now?
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”