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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.