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I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
I’m amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
This year’s box-office revenue is down 20 percent from last summer. I’m not sure why that is, but I`ll bet you there’s a documentary on Netflix about it.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.