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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Never trust a skinny chef
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...