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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”