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Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
Your personality needs alcohol.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.