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I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.