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OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
Watching someone else play a video game is like watching someone who won`t let you join in while they`re masturbating.
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.