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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.