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My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
So many rules; so little time to break them.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
Bad decisions make good stories.