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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
I like to go to the bar and flip peoples license plates upside down, then go home and listen to my scanner.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?