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I don’t go to bars for the same reason I don’t grocery shop when I’m hungry. I always come home with things I didn’t need.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
Your cat doesn`t love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?