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Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know