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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome