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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it