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I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.