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I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.