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Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
facebooked yo mama!!!
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."